• Jessica Kay Lee

Spiritual Motherhood - What Control?

Updated: Mar 6

With the fear of coronavirus freaking everyone out, I have to admit it’s been extremely difficult to be my Spiritual Self. It’s hard enough to keep a steady and calm mind, body and soul when everything we see and hear relate back to the climbing numbers of COVID-19 infections and deaths. The global atmosphere is filled with tension and fear. At least, that’s what I’ve been picking up energetically.


A few years back, I discovered that I was an Emotional Empath  —  a highly sensitive being who can absorb the energy of others. I am able to pick up the subtle emotions and vibes of individuals or groups, unwillingly for the most part. Before coming to this realization, this innate empathic trait was crippling, for I didn’t realize my health or energy were being affected by being at social functions or simply watching Netflix. After uncovering this trait with my beloved Spiritual Teacher and Empath Coach, I've now learned better ways to navigate through life and relationships as an empowered Empath.


So with the whole coronavirus scare, I have been extremely careful with my kids’ health. I even extended my CNY break in the U.S. until things cooled down a bit. But in just one week of returning back to school, both my boys got “sick.” My 7-year-old son, Bradlee, had night coughs on Monday, which kept me up all night, running back and forth rubbing essential oil all over his body while frantically refilling his water bottle left and right. Despite zero signs of coughing Tuesday morning, I kept him at home, me fatigued and worried, while he dispensed bountiful energy playing hours of basketball and soccer with our corgi. On Wednesday, he returned to school in good spirits, winning first place in two games of dodgeball. On Tuesday night, my younger son, Bryce, also had night coughs, prompting him to puke out his dinner at 4 in the morning. This had me on high alert, sleepless, ready to rescue him at any cost. I took him to the doctors first thing Wednesday morning, his temperature was normal, diagnosed with just a mild tummy ache. He slept and ate all day, enjoying the day off, while I looked up COVID-19 symptoms online. Today, he skipped into the school doors, running into his classroom without even saying goodbye.

While walking home from today’s sendoff, my husband’s words suddenly came to my mind: “You haven’t been yourself lately.” With lack of sleep, exercise, personal time, and amplified worry, I really have been losing myself. I thought I got this whole coronavirus under control, instead it has taken over all of me.


I don't deny the magnitude of COVID-19 but fear, paranoid, and blame are much of what I’ve been unconsciously absorbing lately at family or social functions. I understand the anxiety, for it’s a global panic, but we do have a choice on how to absorb it inward. Although the media’s job is to provide real-time statistics and recommended preventions to the general public, it becomes problematic when news morph into frenzy via unsubstantiated data, racial subjections, political propaganda, or just plain old fear. When fearful information gets received with personal bias and negative mindset, it only amplifies and spreads, like a virus.


One of my dear classmates at Columbia suggested “diving into gratitude” during this period of angst. Her Cognitive Social Emotional Learning professor shut her down (wow) but I couldn’t agree more! Hard science has shown that a positive, relaxed emotional and mental state generate a healthier physiology versus a distressed inner state which shuts down bodily functioning for protection. When our body, mind and spirit are not aligned, the whole system can go haywire. Even me, one who is currently studying the science of spirituality, can attest to that fact! In not attending to my daily meditation, journaling, reading, exercising, or even resting, I’ve been losing myself. I’ve been feeling tired, restless, achy, moody, and deflated. I’m sure all mothers can relate right now, especially the caretakers dealing with ongoing stress of sick or dying loved ones. Collectively, we can choose to elicit love and compassion versus fear and blame. Collectively, we need to band together - as women, mothers, human beings.


The mindful walk home prompted my spiritual writing today, reminding me to keep to a healthy body, mind and spirit by loving oneself wholeheartedly, no matter what gets thrown my way. It’s difficult when plans change due to health or any unexpected reason, but life can be simplified by getting through each day one day at a time, finding the good in both the good and the bad.


This week has been a prime example of Spiritual Motherhood  —  to let go, time and time again. With 9 years of motherhood in training, I’ve come to accept that nothing is in my control, only my reaction. From the moment our bodies linked up to our soul babies to birthing them into their beautiful physical vessels to watching them become their own spiritual beings day by day  —  to me, it’s all beyond our control. The only thing we can do is watch, experience, and learn with a grateful and humble heart.


I’m thankful to have experienced the fear of loving our children so deeply that at times, we stretch ourselves too thin and forget our own needs. To give our children the best love, we need to give ourselves the best love first. Thus, from body, mind, and soul  —  we as mothers, must nourish all three selves to be whole.


Today, I chose to nourish myself through writing.


Again, I can breathe.






©2020 by The Lotus Pond.